from now on my penis is your penis
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
