I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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