He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize