How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
a search helicopter?!
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
