please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
