Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
