Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
