Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Success! We fucked roommates!
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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