Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
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