She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
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