i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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