"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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