Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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