i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
