I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
We named our party play list daddy issues
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
