Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
