White coat. Heels.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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