..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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