Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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