My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
