I cannot find my penis.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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