we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
