I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
