I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
