Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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