Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
