Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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