I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
My life is pants optional.
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