FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
