A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
