I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
