dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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