Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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