I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
