Are we in a gay sports bar?
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
