Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
