Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Randomize
