I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
