i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
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