woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
