We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i think my mom watched the whole time
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
