they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize