so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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