im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
