I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
