it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize