i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
