You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
