I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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