if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
