i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Acid is not a monday night drug
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
