does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I won't apologize to a one balled man
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
