ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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