GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
