She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
