Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
