I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Still dying that you shit outside
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
