im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
