well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
We had to coat check the pizza.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Randomize
