I didn't shave. On purpose
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
