Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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