NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
