the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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