I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize