this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
We talked him into tasing himself.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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