I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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