somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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