Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I need to sanitize my soul.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
