Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
